Thursday, July 8, 2010

Medical update

Remember Edna?
The spirited young filly?


She valiantly led the charge against Arsicus-grows-ever fatticus, never shirking under the weight of the challenge, never tiring.

Unfortunately the battle was simply too big.

As the winter came, Edna found herself spending more and more time in the stable.
Yes, she still got out for the odd brisk trot, a few delightful rolling canters (downhill of course), and she would toss her head and step out out with pride.
Of course as they days got shorter and darker and colder it was time for Edna to move permanently into the stable , where she is warm and safe.
But what of my ever-growing arsicus.......?
Experts were consulted and there was some serious concerns about the State-of-the-arsicus if it were left to roam freely and unchecked until Summer.
You may not realise, but Arsicus-grows-ever-fatticus is a disease of stealth..........Without your knowledge your arsicus grows silently, camouflaging each added millimetre, unnoticeable to the human eye and then suddenly
BAM !
Your pants won't do up!
Its no good whinging and whining that they did up perfectly fine last week , or even yesterday. Arsicus -grows-ever-fatticus is an unrelenting, unforgiving affliction..
But I am Jodie- maker of stuff !!!
and I will not be defeated. I will keep on, until the sun shines and Edna and I can gallop once more across the plains!

Let me introduce the Black Stallion.


He has only thrown me twice!

55 comments:

  1. haha! ride ride ride let it ride!

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  2. Now you're talking my language....

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  3. I could do with my own black stallion!
    I don't even want to think about the fact that my jeans are getting tighter but now you've mentioned it! Dang I'm gonna have to jump on the bandwagon and do some moven and shaking!

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  4. I too need a black stallion so I can watch crappy tv and downsize my butt at the same time.

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  5. Ride like the wind Bullseye!!!!!

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  6. Ah yes! I hire a kind old mare from the local livery. She plods at a comfortable pace and still I have trouble being fond of her.

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  7. would that medical condition be related to stomachus ever grows fatterus which is my particular medical condition?

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  8. You make it soo funny - yet we can all relate!

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  9. Geez, I have the same affliction. My arsicus has crept up on me too lately. Bring on next week when school goes back, then at least I will be walking during the day!!!!
    LMFATAO!!!

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  10. Edna is a seriously nice bike. Good luck with all the Arsicus Reductious.

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  11. The Black Stallion just aint as pretty as Edna but he's sure a good looking work horse!!

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  12. I think you have just described the exact same issue I am having! I never knew it could be so funny.

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  13. I hope you can tame the black stallion, then you can both ride off the arsicus faticus.

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  14. Hah! I too am afflicted by Arsicus-grows-ever fatticus. I am trying to reduce Arsicus-grows-ever fatticus. Good luck to us both :)

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  15. so funny but sadly so true.

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  16. oh you're good!!!!! I did buy a xtrainer on ebay after the twins and used it 3 times as all that exercise made me feel sick and nauseous so i sold it on ebay again! but that looks more pleasant than a x trainer!

    In the end I resorted to tony ferguson and shakes and bars to shift the kgs! it worked and meant no exercise which I liked!

    good luck!
    Corrie:)

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  17. I always read your blog and may have not commented yet, but I just had to say you are hilarious and your posts always make me smile. Arsicus-grows-ever-fatticus is most definately a disease I share ( :

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  18. I do like your Black Stallion, but look forward to hearing about more adventures with Edna when the good weather returns.

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  19. My new fight-against-fat-arsicus bike has been warm and cosy since the days got colder and darker, too. In the meantime, I'm fuelling up on lots of chocolate and hot chips so I'll have energy to BURN when summer comes.....

    I may need to come around to see your new stallion.

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  20. Oh I hope you can keep that black stallion under control! I also suffer from the stealthy onslaught of arsicus-grows-ever-fatticus! Locket xx

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  21. Gaspicus! If you're not careful the arsicus will become that terrible monster... Arsicus Rex!!

    You can also go walkies for about a mile (about half an hour walk) and drag the nearest unsuspecting victim with you on the grounds that you're doing them a favour.

    Hmm, maybe start the stallion at a trot first then a gallop! Also, eat meals but no snacks. So I was told when I covered a lecture on the Psychology of Eating and Eating Disorders!!

    Apparently women comfort eat with snacks and men with 'hearty meals'. But boredom and not doing something can lead to eating something and that leads inevitably to the Call of the Wild Arsicus!

    Still if it's cold, lucky Edna to stay in the warm. You could ride her around the house I suppose!!! That way you would combat the fierce Arsicus and keep in the warm and dry... and give the family a giggle!!

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  22. That Black Stallion looks quite frightening. I think you should provide some bridle decoration, make him look less like he was borrowed from one of the 4 horsemen.

    Do be careful - landing on your arsicus is one thing, but make sure you don't damage your sewing and blogging appendages!

    A+ for effort.

    erm... your pants need to be 'done up'? you have zips and or buttons on your undergarments? Oh dear, maybe I don't want to know!?!!

    Cheers,
    AJ

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  23. Your house looks like ours - the odd guitar in every corner, and the treadmill menacingly challenging someone to bore their socks off. In my case it's thighs grow ever floppier. :0/

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  24. Hi Jodie,

    I suffer the same dread affliction, though stomachus balloonis is perhaps worse...I have to see it LOL

    BTW, pants where I was born were underpants, not trousers or bottoms or jeans...I have to say I was amused by poor pink penguins imaginings :)

    Hugs, Sharon

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  25. Giddy up and bring Edna over for a walk on the flat side - my arsicus can always do with some work. Rolling around here with laughter - even Callum thought it was funny. When I said it was Jodie, his response was "makes sense!"

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  26. Stallions are great Jod! They have multiple talents including providing shelter and hanging space for the laundry!!! Which is about all that mine does these days!!!

    You go for it girl!!!!
    Vikki xo

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  27. hahahahahahahahahahahahaha The best cure for arsicus grows ever fatticus is to not put it in your mouthicus in the first place which is easier said than done cause everything that doesn't make the arsicus grow tastes like something that came out of said arsicuc

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  28. way to go Jody! Love the black stallion...but don't ignore Edna once we unfreeze from winter...she might get cranky with you.

    (no wonder everyone loves your blog...you just tell the unashamed truth in your very own fashion...I think you could write your own dictionary...and we would ALL buy it!)
    cheers Julz

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  29. I've got it!!! The solution (and the affliction as it happens). Put your bike on the treadmill and ride 'with assistance' that way Edna is happy and you are too!. Perhaps we should make a 'club' for those wanting to no longer suffer the inflammatory state involving the entire body. Id like to begin suffering 'adipose reductus MAXIMUS'.... Peta

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  30. You must have read my mind....I was only just thinking I would have to ask you how that fine young filly was getting along!

    Beware of leaving her in the stable for too long as she may get a bit flat and lazy, make sure she gets a good grooming and lunging before you get back on!

    As for that black stallion (handsome brute) put him in his place and don't let him get the better of you!!

    Tally Ho!

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  31. Jodie you crack me up! I hope that black stallion behaves himself so arsicus fatticus stays away. I think my arsicus fatticus needs to visit the black stallion too, new jeans and a new size:(

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  32. I have that same affliction! Instead of a sleek stallion, though, I have an old mare in my basement. She's a little cranky and sometimes refuses to work.

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  33. Aah yes, we all face exercise challenges... my latest problem is that every time I try to do sit-ups, my cat thinks I'm providing her with somewhere nice and warm to curl up on ie my stomach. I suppose I could use her as a medicine ball, but it's much easier just to lie there scratching her cute little head and listening to the deafening purr. Bonding with a pet is just as important as a stable core for physical wellbeing... isn't it?

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  34. You're hysterical. Black Stallion looks mean and nasty. I hope you'll tame him with a frilly bit!

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  35. You crack me up too. I think the Black Stallion looks nasty and I hope he doesn't nip Edna. When you've finished with him though you can send him my way!

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  36. Not keeping it in the sewing room! You should see the 6kg's of "thank you's" that came in the mail from my favourite corporate chocolate sponsors at work today..

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  37. Do I sniff out a romance? What if he gets in the stable? You'll have a brood of little trikes. Bless.

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  38. I just fell in love....with you! What a hilarious post. I tried not to spit my frappucino all over the screen as I read this. I suffer from the same affliction, you see.

    Michelle

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  39. I really like your stallion! He should also take care of the Bodicus Flabbycus.
    I need to find one of those too, but I need to be careful so that the armicus flabbycus doesn't knock me out. I will start slowly and find a routine so I can duck the flabbycus when it comes my way.

    I'd really love an Edna, but rocky roads and hills do not entice me to ride.
    Yvette

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  40. Me? I'd just buy bigger trousers!

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  41. A Black Stallion - you lucky, lucky lady!!!

    Enjoy,

    Nina xxx

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  42. Even Edna deserves a break occasionally Jodie. We have to share the love around - enjoy your Black Stallion for a change of pace. (LOL)
    Hugs ~ Kerryanne

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  43. Jodie, you do make me laugh. Only today I freecycled my exercise bike which was nothing more than a clothes horse. My new exercise toy of choice is the Wii. It's doing wonders for me and the wedding dress that doesn't yet fit.
    I hope you can keep that Arsicus under control with the black stallion!

    Monda
    x

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  44. Save a horse... ride a cowboy! Good luck!

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  45. God I love your blog! You make me laugh you do.

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  46. Gosh with that contraption you'll be Arsicus-grows-ever-trim taut and terrificus in no time!!

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  47. She will also act as a most excellent clothes air-er...
    Run well x

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  48. I LOVE the way you write! It is so much fun to come and see you everyday for my little bits of craftiness and humor all at the same time. Good luck with the stallion! (But I kind of have a girl crush on Edna....)

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  49. Oh so clever! Wonderful blog! You made me smile this morning, and I thank you.

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  50. Oh so clever! Wonderful blog! You made me smile this morning, and I thank you.

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  51. In an attempt to address the issue you have so tactfully introduced...

    Last weekend at the beach we rented four of those recumbent bicycles. While everyone cycled circles around me, I made jokes about having rented a stationary bike. Ha. Ha.

    The next day I was not so foolish to rent one and humiliate myself again. Why should I prominently display my lack of muscle to elegantly propel the mass attached?

    With insistent prodding, one convinced me to "just try This One". Guess what - I could cycle circles around anybody! As it turned out, the problem on the First Day was the...(ahem)...bike.

    Not all those machines are trustworthy...

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  52. ...I am wetting myself!! best blog entry ever! Oh how I can relate.

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  53. ...I am wetting myself!! best blog entry ever! Oh how I can relate.

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Hellloooooo !!!!