Saturday, April 18, 2009

Doctor Craft - or why that tutorial is not actually done yet

Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen to our first informative session with Doctor Craft.
Todays case whilst not unusual, is often misdiagnosed.

The patient (lets call her Jodie) presented as slightly distressed and obviously in need of expert medical attention.
She carried with her, the remains of what she says was to be a messenger style bag. I observed a collaboration of fabrics and vinyl, obviously sewn and unpicked many times.

She claims she had made one recently and it worked fine, she went on to say that she had also helped a friend make one. Again it was fine. But this third attempt had, I have to say, gone horribly wrong. I have seen some horrors in my time but this shocked, even me.
An interesting case.
Was she just a woman with delusions of craft grandeur? Did she really make those others successfully?
The patient was concerned that this string of abject failures may have to result in a total craftectomy . She felt her identity was so tied up in her craft that she could not be left craft-less. She felt she would be losing part of herself. She seemed to be a little hysterical at this point and I felt there may be more to the story.

It turns out, and it obviously pained her to admit it.....that she had spent the whole afternoon trying to make a small zippered pouch. She explained to me that she had made so many of these in her time that she should be able to do it in her sleep. She has even written tutorials showing other people how to make them. Again, after three attempts......unmitigated disaster.

I turned from the project in horror.

Although I didn't feel that a craftectomy was called for in this case, when presented with someone of such obvious mental frailty, there is certainly some argument for total removal of the crafting gene, if only to lessen the distress when things go wrong.

After some consulatation among my peers, I was able to accurately diagnose, (much to the patients relief), a common but somewhat severe case of EITTTS .

EITTTS (Everything I touch turns to sh*t),
While a quite distressing and sometimes frequently reoccurring problem, it is totally harmless. Over time, and with due diligence, crafters often begin to self-diagnose and also learn to treat themselves in the comfort of their own homes.

A range of therapies, including chocolate eating, beer drinking, book reading, movie watching, life having and couch sitting have been known to be effective. These treatments may be employed as often as needed and in whichever configuration best suits the patient . The reading of craft magazines and books is permitted so long as it does not result in the patient beginning any new projects. In that event, all magazines and books of a crafting nature should be taken from the patient for their own good......
Ladies and Gentlemen, keep an eye on your loved ones and keep an eye out for the signs of Early Onset EITTTS .

It may not be curable.........but it is treatable
See you in our next episode where the enigmatic Doctor will look at the perplexing question......How many projects are too many?

47 comments:

  1. Ah, so *that's* what it's called. Such a relief - all these years and I never knew what to call my ailment ;-)

    Hope the beer and choccies work wonders.

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  2. I'll keep my fingers tightly crossed and hope that the treatment works well. But don't you think you should through in a couple of bottles of wine too?

    Locket xxxx

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  3. Oh dear, I have heard of this before and I think I mayhave some of those symptoms too. So glad to know that chocolate can help to fix the problem, with the amount I have consumed over the last week I must be ready to create a masterpiece!!
    I do hope that patient recovers soon, sending Kiss Noises LInda.

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  4. Laugh out loud!!
    No, seriously!!!

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  5. Aahhhh yes... the old EITTTS syndrome. Haven't we all had that at some point in time.

    From personal experience I found that throwing the said project at the wall and screaming words that your mother would never wish to hear you say out loud and then stomping on it works wonders. Although... I do think your prescribed chocolate could be equally as effective.

    Hope you are recovering well.
    Hugs ~ Kerryanne

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  6. Oh dear! I think EITTTS is a widespread sickness and is not necessarily confined solely to the world of craft. I believe a recently departed American president and current British Home Secretary may also have suffered from it.

    Dr. Craft, thank you for identifying this damaging syndrome.

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  7. Good Grief you mean there is a name for that condition? And to think all these years I thought it was just me stuffing up as usual. I shall try out your remedies and see which works best - although I would like to swap the beer for a wine or two if that's ok. Hope your feeling better soon and all is well in the craft room/household.

    Sending non EITTTS Cyber Hugs

    Catherine

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  8. To quote Judith Viorst from "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day": some days are like that. (Even in Australia) I have loved that book forever, but I love it even more now that I have friends in Australia. Have you tried the cookie cure?

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  9. I love that book too about Alexander - Jodie, the day started off well, what happened?? Perhaps you are not feeling well. I would also prescribe a day off work, maybe Tuesday. I LOVE my new bag.

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  10. EITTTS syndrome can be very nasty! Make sure you keep up with the treatment :-)

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  11. Oh dear, I hope it's not contagious! The whole craft community might disappear in a poof of fabric and cotton and vinyl offcuts.

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  12. OMG you crack me up. As long as the doctor is McDreamy or McSteamy you will be in fine hands!!

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  13. What happens next... what happens next... will our heroine survive?

    (thanks for making me laugh!!!)

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  14. Oh no, not a craft-lobotomy! Magazines, mindless TV, and pop tarts usually help me when I'm stricken with EITTTS! Do they have pop tarts in Australia?

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  15. Good Old Coopers! THE cure for all ailments-hope you are on the mend:)

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  16. Oh you are silly Jodie! I hope it all works out in the end (says me struggling with a zip..)

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  17. oh jodie i have a few cartons of coopers in the coolroom plus we have pale ale on tap...
    so if you are ever in need and up this way you can drop in for a few coldies...lol...
    p.s i know how you feel...i've started crocheting at the moment to get me away from the sewing machine...

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  18. Oh... I can't wait for next week. I need to find a remedy for too many projects.
    I'll be doing some more couch sitting and chocolate eating - Doctor Craft's order, after all.

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  19. So glad to hear that my self-medication is actually doctor approved! And yet I often feel GUILTY when I must resort to such loafing!

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  20. What a therapeutic read! Thank you, Jodie - I'm sorry to be laughing at your expense, but you are so funny! I'm in an ETITTHL (Everything I touch takes helluva long) phase now. Maybe a mutant strain. Hope you get your Midas touch back soon.

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  21. OMW, thanks for I hadn't known what my deal was.
    Don't forget to finish the whole treatment. As with other medication the whole round must be taken. Do not stop treatment even if symptoms improve.

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  22. My EITTS has resulted in a nasty case of craft paralysis. Although I believe to be temporary, if not treated, can lead to a more long term chronic condition. After noting a few of these episodes, I have come to the conclusion that zips seem to bring on these attacks, although avoidance of zips does not seem to be the answer. Any tips from the doctor? Yours sincerely Numb with Fear.

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  23. Finally a diagnosis! I thought this whole time I was "dumb"! Not so I see!
    We all have to get Eitts and some point but at least we know how to cure it: chocolate, beer and a good craft book! No co-payment at the dr's for that! Yahoo
    Your mo-jo will come back!
    Happy Sewing!

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  24. well even in The Netherlands there are people suffering from eitts... couch sitting and lots of chocolate eating sure do help!

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  25. Does copious red wine and left over Easter eggs work ?

    I think I might have early onset EITTTS.

    Ruffles!!! Oh no the ruffles!!

    All I have is red wine and Easter Eggs!! Please let it work!!

    So pleased I am not an isolated case!!

    Tia xxx

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  26. You have just saved me "gazillions" in medical bills! I prefer the iced coffee + chocolate therapy for my symptoms of EITTTS! (Now that I know what to call it!) I too find it is never a good idea to stop therapy before the entire course has been completed!

    I recently had a run in with some coated cotton, and I had to (GASP!) scrap the entire thing and move on...BTW, I don't know if there a number of how many projects is too many, and I'm not sure if I should find out.

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  27. LOL.........I just love you stories and think you should write a book.............LOL..........Go see Flowergarden she will make you feel better........

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  28. LOL

    Oh Jodie - the crafting may have gone awry but your wit and way with words are still intact!!

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  29. Great post. I haven't been doing any sewing because I'm still scared of my new sewing machine....

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  30. The good doctor knows best!! (one remedy I tried last night that in the light of day may not have been such a great idea is crafting AND beer drinking. My seams ain't what they should be!!! ;o) )

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  31. I think EITTTS is a 24 hour virus, sometime lasting an extra 24 hours if enough antidote isn't used! And it appears to affect everything in that 24 hours not just craft. I'm relieved it isn't a selvedge virus, I love them also and my friends think that is really weird! I don't care, selvedges are the best part of the fabric!

    Thank you Dr Craft for diagnosing the problem and finding the cure and publishing it for all to share!

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  32. I hope you make a swift recovery Jod!
    Hugs
    Jo

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  33. I am very entertained, I hope that your symptoms abate at the end of your treatment, and remember the day job is no place to hide! Thanks for Sharing

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  34. My dear Jodie! Should you need any kind of support, just pop in an ambulance and come zen at my house. I have plenty of craft-distractors to cure you, including a three-legged dog, two foster j\kittens that sneeze and a couch so large you could host a party on it. :-) xx

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  35. It seems so much better to deal with an illness once a diagnosis is made. Hope you are cured soon!

    Hugs

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  36. Happens with writers too... sigh!

    I suggest swooning delicately on a chaise longue with a few bottles of wine, choccy and a good book that does not mention craft... er, whatever that may be.

    Also, a lot of swearing can be therapeutic!

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  37. The dreaded EITTTS. Wishing you a speedy recovery.

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  38. Well it's global; eittts has spread all the way to New York.

    I'm going to try an old family remedy: beer and ginger snaps.

    I enjoy your blog!

    Karen

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  39. That is hilarious! Love it!!!!

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  40. LMAO. Somehow I don't think so, but I do love it. I also call it craftstipation.

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  41. Oh you need to post a shot of that doc, Could you send him round... I need curing too.. my problem is of the not even giving it a go variety.. I think time might be a contributing factor.. Cheers Jo

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  42. Thank you for identifying this dangerous condition! I thought I was suffering from a spot of it yesterday, but it turns out that I was just sleep deprived.

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Hellloooooo !!!!